my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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