So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
