I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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