We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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