The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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