no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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