The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
