I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
