wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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