I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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