I understand Curling. That high.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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