I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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