once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Randomize