Screwed.edu
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
