I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Randomize
