my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
