My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
