Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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