In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I have feelings that need drinking.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
