but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
