you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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