Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
