I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth