I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
It's just like the Real World with babies
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.