LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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