I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
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