i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize