haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm at about main and main street
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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