i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
