He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
