I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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