He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
