I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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