I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
