Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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