Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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