I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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