saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
