So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
