From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Someone came in the potted fern
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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