everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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