i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
