I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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