it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
A bitchslap is in order.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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