why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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