I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?