now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....