Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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