she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
