you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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