just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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