i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I feel like abortions should bother me more
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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