Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize