You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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