How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
