I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
