i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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