the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
