good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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