hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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