she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I wish life had little blips of pornography
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
