and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
