you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
