That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Randomize
