dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
And then he peed in my hair
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