Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
