can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
