A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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