I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
