I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
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