Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I wish there were birth control emojis
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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