Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
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The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
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speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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