TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
