In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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