i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
