ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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