I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
And then he peed in my hair
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