hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Come see our sink grown plant.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
